I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
