So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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