as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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