i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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