A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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