"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
