I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
