dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
