Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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