it's too hot outside to masturbate.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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