So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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