do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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