im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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