in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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