half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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