sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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