I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
