I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
