ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
