Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
