Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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