I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
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I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
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Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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