just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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