I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
