I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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