shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
