Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
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I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
MIDGETS
????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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