im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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