theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
