Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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