I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
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Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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