The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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