Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I believe in your delicious
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize