You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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