Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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