quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
