next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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