Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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