I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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