is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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