I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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