so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
