I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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