I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gargled with NyQuil
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize