Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
