Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
dude i'm inner monologue high
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
