If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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