if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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