I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She said her name was "party"
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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