I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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