Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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