No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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