remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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