it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Vodka?
Forever.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
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