We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
