...so i touched it.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
