Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
