your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
