Cold hands, warm shart.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
