my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize