STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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