we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
