I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
