I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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