So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
