I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
