Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
