Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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