the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
