guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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