you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize