Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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