Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
