It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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