just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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